At some point in our lives, we all experience the feeling of insecurity. At work, in a relationship, with our parents, you name it, it exists in all areas of our lives. Follow these 7 simple steps to overcome your insecurities and share with your loved ones!
What if I told you that insecurities serve a purpose?
You can’t really fight the feeling.
You can’t ignore it.
Why? Because it will continue to show up.
Insecurities are here to show you something that is obstructing you from moving forward.
Having gone through many situations in life where insecurities stopped me from taking action, I am confident that this process will help you if you commit to following through with it. I have overcome many of my insecurities following these simple and effective steps.
Note: The steps serve as a roadmap not as a magic pill that will make it all go away. Be patient with yourself and trust the process.
Step 1: Change the perspective of the word “insecurity”
The word itself has a negative connotation. My goodness, no wonder you cannot admit to having them because it feels like it’s something bad. Change the way you see an insecurity; change the definition.
Let me give you my example: An insecurity is the way that my mind is telling me that there is something that I have to look into to help me to reach a higher level of awareness.
That change in perspective will help you confront the situation with more of a neutral feeling.
Step 2: Identify Your Insecurities
You need to identify the types of insecurities you are struggling with. Being aware of what you are dealing with is key. This will require uncovering negative beliefs and unsupportive thoughts that are at the core of your insecurities. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:
What am I feeling insecure about?
Why am I feeling insecure about this?
What worries or fears are making me feel insecure?
What underlying beliefs are at the core of these insecurities?
Remember, we are just trying to understand the insecurity and the things around it. No judgement is accepted here. The more vulnerable you are, the better you will understand it.
Step 3: Get to the root cause
The insecurity was brought to your consciousness due to a recent incident. The root cause of the insecurity is still to be discovered.
The root cause of your insecurities often stems from memories you have held onto for many years, most likely dating back to your childhood years.
These memories influence your decisions and actions. And they are a result of past experiences. How you interpret the experiences is the determining factor in how you feel.
At the root of these experiences are the limiting beliefs and thoughts that you have chosen to adopt.
When was the first time I remember experiencing this insecurity?
Get the full details. How old was I? Who was present?
How did I develop this insecurity?
How has this affected me?
Step 4: Perspectives of the Story
Challenging your story will allow you to interpret your story objectively.
Interpretations you have made about yourself, others, the circumstance, or about what will or won’t happen is a part of the story in your mind.
To change your perspectives, you need to challenge them in some way. In other words, you need to think more objectively about your insecurities. And that can be done by asking yourself the following set of questions:
Are the details in the story facts or are they my own opinion?
How could things be different to the way I am seeing and interpreting them?
How else could I view or interpret this situation?
When you challenge yourself to think objectively, you start to question the validity of your experience. This allows an opening to a door of new possibilities and perspectives.
Recreate the story from the objective point of view. Get the empowered version to appear on the forefront of your mind.
Step 5: Find facts that contradict your insecurity
Take a moment to reflect on situations or stories where you have proven the insecurity wrong.
Have a think about things you have done and successfully achieved over a lifetime. Consider the challenges you faced and how you overcame them.
What have I excelled at in the past?
What strengths have helped me to excel in these areas?
How could I potentially bring that mindset into this situation?
Reflecting on your successes in this way helps put things in perspective.
It reminds you that you are capable of working through difficulties. This also helps to build your confidence and self-assurance needed to get through anything.
As long as you bring those same strengths, attributes, and adopt the right mindset, anything is possible.
Step 6: Gather details to create an action plan
My mentor used to tell me, “Go to the top of the mountain and look at the situation from that point of view.”
When you feel insecure about something, it is hard to step out of your comfort zone.
You more than likely reflect on the worst-case scenario, which forces you to go back into your comfort zone. It will be difficult to take proactive action when you are stuck in uncertainty.
So how can you create some certainty?
Consider for a moment the worst-case scenario and how you might potentially handle things. Consider also the best-case scenario and what that might mean. Ask yourself:
What’s the worst that could possibly happen if I take action despite my insecurities?
What’s the best that could possibly happen if I take action to move beyond my insecurities?
If I allow my insecurities to get the better of me, what regrets might I have?
The purpose of this step is to release resistance.
Step 7: Engage in Positive Self-Talk
You have to be your own cheerleader. Positive self-talk helps you stay on track and begin creating new beliefs for yourself without the resistance. This is the beginning of new connections for your mind. New stories tied to new beliefs.
I can do this!
It might not be perfect, but I’m giving it all I have.
I deserve to see a different outcome in my life.
If you want to know more about positive self talk, you can see what Healthline wrote.
I remember using this during a Warrior Camp I attended a few years back. I was about 20 feet in the air, I was walking on a rope to get to the other side. I was grabbing another rope above me with both hands. My legs were shaking and my arms were burning of exhaustion.
My mind was saying, “Nancy, you can’t do this! You are not strong and you are afraid of heights. You have to give up and just let yourself drop!”
My team was trying to cheer me on from the ground. I could hear them saying, “I am a warrior. I act in spite of my mood.” Let me tell you what happened next.
Tears running down my face, I started yelling it at the top of my lungs, “I am a warrior! I act in spite of my mood!” Over and over, until every part of me felt the positive reinforcement become reality.
I got to the other side and enjoyed the taste of victory. I beat my mind game and got over my insecurity. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
If you find yourself needing that extra support to help you get over those deep-rooted insecurities, feel free to message me firstname.lastname@example.org. You are worthy of that freedom that is felt when the chain is broken.
Read my previous blog, 3 Ways you can experience confidence in times of uncertainty.
I love how relatable this article feels, and how simple many of your steps seem to be to conquering our insecurities. The most relatable part of this spoke miles for me, “When you feel insecure about something, it is hard to step out of your comfort zone”. Once we can identify our fears and insecurities, and can self-cheerlead our way up and out of them, we can continue to do amazing things in this world. —Ryan