Realizations of an Independent Woman

After a horrific weekend of body temperatures going from, “I’m on fire!” to “It is freezing in here!”, I was forced to stop everything I was doing. I had to confront some realizations of this independent woman.

While in the bed, tossing and turning. I was throwing the blanket off, then back on…back and forth for 2 whole days. Sweating one minute, then shivering the next. What was happening to me?

Lying in bed thinking, (I had time obviously) I realized so much. For the last month on this quarantine, I have been doing, doing, and doing some more. I didn’t want to stop to think. I was on a high. Creating,  writing, and being an independent woman.

There is nothing wrong with being an independent woman. It’s just that sometimes, that label can get us into a little trouble. We wear the label on our sleeve and sometimes, it doesn’t allow us to be anything else; to feel anything else.

While in bed, I was asking myself, “Why now! I have so much to do!”. Something popped into my mind.

During this time of doing and more doing, I didn’t realize that I was actually running. Running from the yucky thoughts of what I was really feeling. Nervous for my family, for those in America, for the world, and feeling out of place. I was mourning my identity.

C’mon now! I have been through worse. This is not going to affect me. I got this. Or do I?

I’ve been an independent woman most of my life. At 11-years old, I was mowing the neighbor’s yard every Saturday for $10 and an ice pop. 12-years old, working in the fields to pay for my school clothes was my summer fun. At 15, after school, it was waitressing to help pay for my car and phone. I have worked ever since then. I have never stopped. I’ve taken matters in my own hands every time.

This situation though…

This is uncertainty.

It is out of my control.

Is not something I can prepare for.

Luckily, I have my husband with me, but I’ve had to play a different role than the usual. I am cooking, cleaning and doing laundry more often than before.  Getting creative on meals so we don’t get bored of the same. He’s on conference calls and dealing with his team. It’s a team effort.

Don’t get me wrong. I did all this before, but with us being home 24/7, the room where we both work gets messier quicker and we are eating at home so that means more dirty dishes. This means more time in the kitchen, which for me, is not necessarily my favorite.

Our routines are out of whack. We tried last week to put ourselves on a routine, but for some reason or another, we didn’t follow it. Something always came up.

My patience…or lack thereof…is nowhere to be found. I mean with myself as well. I’m so hard on myself. My expectation is still on high and I don’t even give myself the chance to breathe and be gentle with myself. It’s produce, produce, produce!

So, now that you have the background of this whole situation, I hope these resonate with you. Yes, you, the independent woman who people forget to check on because you always figure it out.

The expectations of that label sometimes don’t allow us to be vulnerable. Give yourself permission ladies.

Alright! So here are my realizations during my downtime. In no special order, just from the heart. 

1. It’s ok to FEEL crappy

Beautiful ladies. Let yourself feel IT. Whatever IT is. Feel it. Frustration. Anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Feel it now, or it will come up later. No brushing it under the rug or shoving those feelings in the closet. Feel it and then allow yourself time to get out of it. It took me 2 whole days. It might take you longer or shorter. It’s OK!

2. Do NOT judge yourself

Everyone is dealing with this situation in a completely different way. Some people have gardens and others don’t even have a balcony. Some can go for walks out on the countryside and others are stuck in their little apartments. Do not feel the pressure of social media memes.

A woman posted a picture of her by her pool with a comment saying, “I could be in quarantine forever.” Let’s be honest, I did not handle it well. I had to switch it real quick. Look at what you DO have and work with that. Make the best of YOUR situation. Just like I tell my clients, stay in your lane (Yes, I have to coach myself sometimes.)

3. Do what is right for YOU

Some days you might be able to knock out work and feel super motivated and inspired. There will be also be days where none of that is interesting for you. Your mind is trying to handle the trauma. A trauma most of us have never experienced. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling today? What can I do today?” What works for one person might not work for another.

4. BE more

Compassionate with yourself and others; In the present moment; Breathe in and out. Be in your heart more. If you need to Netflix and chill for the weekend, it’s ok. If your kids need your attention a little more and you can’t do as much work, don’t beat yourself up for it. Be gentle with yourself.

5. Do the best you can

Know that some days will be great and others won’t. All you can do is do the best you can each day. I have to constantly remind myself, “What is meant for me will be. Everything happens for a reason. No rushing. Take your time to do your best.”

The purpose for this article isn’t to bash anyone. It is to create awareness, compassion, and understanding. We are all doing the best we can in these circumstances.

I am awake on this Easter Sunday doing this article. For those who celebrate Easter, I hope that on this day you are able to reflect on all your blessings. I feel like I resurrected today, literally and figuratively speaking. I woke up with more calmness, more joy, more feeling of “Nancy you got this girl!”

If you, or anyone you know, need a little help during this time. I am still doing sessions through zoom. Message me at nancy@nancyhaines.com.

Take a look at my previous blog on Overcoming Insecurities! Hope you enjoy!